Wow, I just turned 29 a couple of minutes ago. That was fast. I didn’t even notice it. Tanda ko na pala, malapit nang mawala sa kalendaryo…

As I look back at the 29 years of my existence, I can’t help but ponder on the things that happened in my life. What am I today? Did I even make a difference? I went here to Dubai two years ago eventhough back then I really didn’t like to. I was kind of hesitant. I love my job back in the Philippines though I know with the work I was doing I was not properly compensated. I like Makati very much. I just love that city, everything is there: work + fun, and more. My family is there. In short, everything important and dear to me is there, right at my finger tips. The Philippines is my comfort zone and going abroad was never my option. I always have promised myself that if I would be successful professionally, it would be there back home. But I guess it wasn’t meant to be.

Circumstances out of my control pushed me to leave everything behind and come here. I felt very bad then. It is as if I left more than half of myself at the airport when I boarded the plane. Many thought that going to another country would instantly turn your life around. But that is not true. Life here was not that easy too. It took me almost four months, a trip to Kish Island, tons of resumes emailed and hundreds of Internet hours before I found a decent paying job. After that everything started to change. i was able to help my family, and most importantly myself, financially. Before, I was only earning a meager amount of money just enough for myself, sometimes not even enough. I wasn’t able to contribute or share to any of our expenses at home. But now, at least, I can say I was able to provide for my loved ones.

Although I know they are safe and living comfortably, still it wasn’t enough for me. I miss them so much that I often think of going back home. I have already spent two birthdays here in the UAE and both of it was never a happy birthday. How could it be? Occasions like this should be celebrated with your loved ones. But because I am here, I just have to settle for conversations over the Internet, seeing them greet me over the webcam, hear them sing for me over the speakers. My friends even stayed up very late just to greet me and show me the cake they prepared and blowed the candle for me… How lonely can you be? I miss the hugs and kisses, the moments together, the laughs, everything…

I guess that’s life, maybe you just can’t have everything.

I turned 29 today and I don’t know how many birthdays more will come that I have to celebrate alone. All I know is I have to be strong and endure the loneliness and emptiness I’m feeling right now, for me and for my loved ones…